Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
