i just sent this text using only my big toe
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
