Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.

Fav 126 1708 4135
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(562): View more from California

you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

Fav 8 5900 1340
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(901): View more from Tennessee

mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.

Fav 8 1029 1700
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(231): View more from Michigan

I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.

(231): View more from Michigan

The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter

Fav 10 798 2055
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.

Fav 8 2382 829
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(303): View more from Colorado

You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.

Fav 15 2053 1291
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(817): View more from Texas

I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?

Fav 11 1728 723
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(905): View more from Ontario

But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.

(1-905): View more from Ontario

Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.

(905): View more from Ontario

But I want to be Keith.

Fav 2 121 18
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(870): View more from Arkansas

There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.

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