remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
please don't ironically join a cult
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