Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she peed on how many people?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
