i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
