So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize