bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
