the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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