why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
