so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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