It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
