ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
