he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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