okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
