Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
