it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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