The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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