Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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