Pappa wants mamma naked
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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