I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
