let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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