I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
