I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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