Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
