cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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