You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
two words...techno handjob
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
