Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
