maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
