Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
