found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
