Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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