I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
