Why are handjobs necessary in class?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
