i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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