I've blown a few things in my day
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
