they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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