Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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