No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize