Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
