also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
