final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
