Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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