I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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