I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
