I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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