Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
