I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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