if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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