I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
