No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
