Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
