so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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