I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He better not be in your backpack
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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