I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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