thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
