The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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