I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
