I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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