you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
