After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
