Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
