There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
