Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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