Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
