some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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