ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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