i just sent this text using only my big toe
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
