I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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