she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
