It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You ate ashes out of my bong
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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