that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize